you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
