if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
