She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
