you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
