I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
