Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
