how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
