i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
