Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
