I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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