recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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