This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
