he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
