So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
