hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
