also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
