in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
