can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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