so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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