Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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