I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
