Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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