i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
