There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
