I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
