As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
