Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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