she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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