VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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