i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
