Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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