I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
