I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
