we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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