that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
