why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
