I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
