found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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