We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
