Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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