You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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