Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
