i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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