grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
