We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
