I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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