I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
