mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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