I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
