I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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