Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
