just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
