you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
