and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
