I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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