My brain says no but my pants say off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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