Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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